Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
