you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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