As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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