Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
