i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my being single is dangerous.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
