I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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