you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
