you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize