I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
