I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
