he wants to bone in the snuggie
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
