She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
