I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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