Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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