so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
