its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
