my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she pinky promised me she was 18
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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