corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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