had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
