ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
