christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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