Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
