yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
