Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
