no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
how does that bad decision feel?
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