he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
