and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
