Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
