Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Found your dick twin last night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
