Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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