Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
