she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
