Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
