The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
