guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
