Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
