Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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