Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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