If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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