my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
