Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
