Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
