My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize