cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
