Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just sucked dick on a ferry