If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE