people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.