i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.