dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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