she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
