he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
this is an emotional support booty call