I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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