Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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