Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
