fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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