I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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