you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize