I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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