I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
