I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
