He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
