I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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