i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
50% drunk capacity currently
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
