So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i was born a porn star she said
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
