The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
