Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
