Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
