yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
this hospital has no fireball
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
