so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
