Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
