Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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