He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
